Let me explain a little. I have been struggling with trying to find balance in my life in the face of some major health challenges (I made a list because, well, I like them):
- My son was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophogitis (EoE) on April 3, 2013 which meant that my family's already restricted diet arrangements were put to the test. My daughter and I cannot digest gluten, but my son was now unable to eat most food. His immune system attacks his esophagus in the presence of most foods. It has been extremely challenging meeting his digestive and nutritional needs while also making sure the rest of the family is eating well but not so well as to make my son jealous of what we can have that he cannot- he is four years old after all.
- At the same time I was hired as an adjunct professor at a local community college, the demands of being an urban high school teacher began taking its toll. So in the middle of trying to keep ahead of the issues surrounding my son's condition, the stress of my main teaching job caused my own health issues. I had to have my gall bladder removed in the beginning of November. For those who have never had gall stones and an inflamed gall bladder, let's just say that the pain I experienced giving birth to my daughter was manageable in comparison!
- Finally, the cherry on the top of the year was my husband's diagnosis of Graves disease. Although I am a little jealous of the weight loss the condition provides, I do not wish it on anyone else. Andy has lost a fair amount of weight in the last few months, had his diabetes numbers go crazy, and nearly caused a trip to a divorce lawyer because of the crazy mood swings he (and I) endured until the doctor figured it out. Now we just have to worry that the meds he takes with destroy his liver.
The balance I needed to create was tipped and then tipped again by trying to meet the needs of those around me while not listening to my own needs. Who out there doesn't want to be the best parent, the best employee, the best neighbor, the best child, the best sibling, well, just the best? I wanted to be the best so badly that I took on too much and failed to recognize when I wasn't giving my best to anything. I needed to assess my life, determine what was best for me and mine, and then move forward. I think I have begun that journey. The hardest will be dealing with the feeling I am letting others down. I don't like people to think I am selfish, so I over do everything. I am taking the summer to rediscover who I am or at least who I want to be. I know there will be times that I feel I have let others down, but I am also discovering that something that seemed so incredibly horrible to me, was just a minor blip on someone else's screen. I am not letting others down, nor am I letting myself down, when I take time for myself; I am being the best I can be.
