My daughter has always been very confident in her body. She would watch her older cousins do things and think to herself, "I can do it too!" (Remember, MM is going to be three in May.) MM has been walking since she was one and has been thinking that she was capable of doing things well beyond her age group and skill set. If she saw an older child climb something, she would climb it too. If she saw children in the ocean playing, she was there too. You get the idea and can understand why I have so many white hairs.
Recently, MM has been enjoying her ability to take off or put on clothing; mostly take off. I have had a "great" time dressing her in the morning. She can be very opinionated about wearing certain outfits and will take off offending clothing. I have had to redress her as many as three times in the morning. Usually her biggest final rebellion seems to be focused on not wearing socks even if it is colder than 32 degrees. She will take off her shoes and socks on the way to school which delays me further. She also wants to wear clothing with as many pockets as possible and wear shoes that can easily come off while playing. She loves wearing dresses because it is easier to use the potty but hates to be put in tights (she will exhaust herself trying to get out of them). My husband does not understand these acts of rebellion so I do not encourage him to dress her in the morning. When he does, she requires 15 minutes of holding to overcome her trauma of being forced into an offending outfit.
Last night's event was bound to happen. It was damp outside, but not bad in temperature, so Andy took the children out for a walk while I prepared dinner. After about 15 minutes, MM knocked on the door and came into the house because she had fallen and gotten wet. She came in, took off her shoes and pants and turned on the TV. I went back to fixing dinner. A few minutes later I heard the sidedoor open again and heard MM struggling with her baby stroller. I walked over and saw her new outfit: she had replaced her wet shoes with a new, dry pair, she had on her Dora the Explorer backpack and a smile. Yup, that's it. She had previously run into the garage with just boots on, knowing that she should not be outside and willing to just run out and come back in before being seen, but this time, she knew what she was doing. She wanted to go out into the neighborhood. Luckily my husband was still outside and told her that she needed to go back in and get dressed. I met her at the door and helped her take off the backpack and got as far as a long sleeved shirt before she took off again. She finally allowed me to put a pull-up and pants on her, but she was decidedly unhappy about it.
One of the things I think she likes about her natural state is that her long hair tickles her back. She has discovered that if she puts her head back, her long hair touches the top of her tush. After a shower, she will stand her her room and put her head back so that she can feel her wet hair touch as far down as the backs of her thighs. She also likes to stand in front of my full mirror and watch herself. I know this is all part of her overall awareness of herself and I am trying really hard not traumatize her. I want her to be proud of her body without setting her up to be a future stripper. I guess if my sister Laura is any example, running around naked until aged 4 does not predispose a child to being a stripper or a porn star later, so I guess I'm safe.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
On being clumsy
I wish I could say I'm normally a graceful person, but I can't. In fact, it would be safe to say that I'm not even able to put my name in the same sentence as the word! Well, once again I've managed to hurt myself doing a simple task: putting the garage door down. The doctor said that I was lucky, he has seen people chop off their fingertips doing the same thing as I did. I was lucky to not even crush them! I am going to have very sollen and bruised fingers for a while though. We have been having trouble with our garage door, so I manually closed it, thus pinching my fingers between two panels. Luckily the children were already in the car. I went into the house, grabbed a bag of frozen veggies, downed 1000 mg of Motrin, drove 15 minutes to intersect with Andy who was at church, handed off the children, and drove to the ER. I even managed to not cry and upset the children until I got to Andy and then I burst out crying.
So, I will only be writing short blogs for a while. Typing right handed takes a very looonnng time!
So, I will only be writing short blogs for a while. Typing right handed takes a very looonnng time!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Blessings
I have been having several stressful weeks as work which has led to me forgetting to post and to not value my family as much as I should. I would like to change both of these now.
Having two small children, a busy career and pushing the big 4-0 (next year) has really exhausted me, so much that I have not stopped to really appreciate the little things. When I was younger, I really wanted a family and could think of little else. As I got older and it became more obvious that I was not going to have children, I could barely block out the loud tick-tick of my biological clock. So, one would think that I should be over the moon by having two children now. I am; I just forgot that I wanted them so badly.
Let's begin with BJ. It was a high risk pregnancy from start to finish. I worried almost the entire time that something would be terribly wrong. When he was born, I was so relieved that everything was fine. His digestive issues and failure to latch properly were minor compared to what the possibilities were. BJ's colic is getting better and better, but the spitting up continues (I hear specialist) so I have forgotten to appreciate the lack of crying. The other day I watched a news segment about a woman losing her son to stillbirth; that could have been me. At that moment, I remembered to be appreciative of the blessing that is my son. Things could have been worse; I at least have my son. I am now trying to appreciate him more even when he wakes me up at 4 am and refuses to let me sleep anymore.
Until I got pregnant with MM, I did not think I could get pregnant. Celiac disease is one of the culprits in preventing pregnancy. She is my sunshine. In fact, I sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." to her and add the verse "You are my MM, my only MM, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my MM away." When MM is writing on the walls, refusing to use the potty and throwing temper tantrums, I need to remember that she allowed me to be a mommy first.
Finally, to Andy. Sure he is a grouch and a farmer boy, but I love him. He cares for me like no other person has. He chips in with chores and daddy duties like my father never did. He is hard working, loving and caring, and provides for us the best he can. He makes the best mashed potatoes even when he burns the rest of the meal (he will never be a chef!) and will help clean up the kitchen without being asked. He also allowed me to be a mommy even if I just gave birth to his clones. It is hard to remember to be loving sometimes, especially with the day to day grind, but I am going to try to be more appreciative of all his efforts.
I am dedicated to trying to find the happy each day and remember all my blessings.
Having two small children, a busy career and pushing the big 4-0 (next year) has really exhausted me, so much that I have not stopped to really appreciate the little things. When I was younger, I really wanted a family and could think of little else. As I got older and it became more obvious that I was not going to have children, I could barely block out the loud tick-tick of my biological clock. So, one would think that I should be over the moon by having two children now. I am; I just forgot that I wanted them so badly.
Let's begin with BJ. It was a high risk pregnancy from start to finish. I worried almost the entire time that something would be terribly wrong. When he was born, I was so relieved that everything was fine. His digestive issues and failure to latch properly were minor compared to what the possibilities were. BJ's colic is getting better and better, but the spitting up continues (I hear specialist) so I have forgotten to appreciate the lack of crying. The other day I watched a news segment about a woman losing her son to stillbirth; that could have been me. At that moment, I remembered to be appreciative of the blessing that is my son. Things could have been worse; I at least have my son. I am now trying to appreciate him more even when he wakes me up at 4 am and refuses to let me sleep anymore.
Until I got pregnant with MM, I did not think I could get pregnant. Celiac disease is one of the culprits in preventing pregnancy. She is my sunshine. In fact, I sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." to her and add the verse "You are my MM, my only MM, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my MM away." When MM is writing on the walls, refusing to use the potty and throwing temper tantrums, I need to remember that she allowed me to be a mommy first.
Finally, to Andy. Sure he is a grouch and a farmer boy, but I love him. He cares for me like no other person has. He chips in with chores and daddy duties like my father never did. He is hard working, loving and caring, and provides for us the best he can. He makes the best mashed potatoes even when he burns the rest of the meal (he will never be a chef!) and will help clean up the kitchen without being asked. He also allowed me to be a mommy even if I just gave birth to his clones. It is hard to remember to be loving sometimes, especially with the day to day grind, but I am going to try to be more appreciative of all his efforts.
I am dedicated to trying to find the happy each day and remember all my blessings.
Friday, March 19, 2010
It finally happened...
It's official, I finally had someone walk in on me while I was pumping at school! Luckily the student who was with the staff person did not come into the room! Ugh! I am not sure how much longer I can do this at work; I am seriously stressed now.
On a different note, Andy is taking MM to the mountains this weekend. He figures that he does not have much more time to be "free" before getting a full time job, so he needed to go to the mountains to the hunting cabin now. He is also taking his brother, his best friend, and his nephew. His brother does not have many more springs in the mountains unless he gets a kidney. Andy's friend, Tom, is taking his grandsons who are close to MM's age. I'm glad he is taking MM with him so that I do not have to spend the whole weekend going crazy with two. Besides, MM thinks she is one of the guys anyway. She loves to go up and play in the woods and be rough and tumble. She gets to be dirty, run around and eat junk for a weekend. I've gone up, but it is a little too rustic for me. The cabin has electricity but does not have running water or an inside toilet. I was a Girl Scout, but I can think of other things to do, like clean my house.
I made a list of everything I wish to accomplish. Let's just say I am not going to get any sleep if I am able to complete everything on the list. My sister-in-law is being nice enough to watch BJ for me so that I can try to knock off as many things on my list as possible. My dream is that everything will be done before Andy gets home on Sunday afternoon. I have a dream...
On a different note, Andy is taking MM to the mountains this weekend. He figures that he does not have much more time to be "free" before getting a full time job, so he needed to go to the mountains to the hunting cabin now. He is also taking his brother, his best friend, and his nephew. His brother does not have many more springs in the mountains unless he gets a kidney. Andy's friend, Tom, is taking his grandsons who are close to MM's age. I'm glad he is taking MM with him so that I do not have to spend the whole weekend going crazy with two. Besides, MM thinks she is one of the guys anyway. She loves to go up and play in the woods and be rough and tumble. She gets to be dirty, run around and eat junk for a weekend. I've gone up, but it is a little too rustic for me. The cabin has electricity but does not have running water or an inside toilet. I was a Girl Scout, but I can think of other things to do, like clean my house.
I made a list of everything I wish to accomplish. Let's just say I am not going to get any sleep if I am able to complete everything on the list. My sister-in-law is being nice enough to watch BJ for me so that I can try to knock off as many things on my list as possible. My dream is that everything will be done before Andy gets home on Sunday afternoon. I have a dream...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
It just keeps getting better!
I am sure most mothers of toddlers will tell you how much "fun" it is having such energetic and curious little people in their homes. At times I am delighted to have such a precocious 2 year old, but as the days of no sleep stretch on, I am having more difficulty stirring up a smile. Don't get me wrong, MM is a happy child who is very imaginative, but since most of the clean up is my responsibility, I find it harder and harder to encourage her creativity. (Yes I struggle with worry that I will stunt her in some way because I am not acting as her constant cheerleader).
On Sunday, MM was in rare form (or maybe not so rare anymore) and I got nothing accomplished. Andy was out, having found some work, so I had the joy of both children who thought it was an hour earlier than it was. MM decided to dump the Mylicon drops (of course it was the last bottle) all over the carpet. I did not realize she had done this until I stepped into the wet spot on the rug and found her hiding behind a chair with the empty bottle behind her back. I knew that Andy had left it where she could get it, so I only fussed at her and told her that she was not to take her brother's medicine again. I then texted Andy and told him he needed to keep all meds on the mantle where she can not reach them. After dinner, while trying to clean up, I noticed that MM was not downstairs any longer; not good. I went upstairs and found her in my room, sitting in the floor, surrounded by hundreds of raisins. She had gotten the brand new large container of raisins, gone upstairs and twirled around and around so she could evenly spread the entire container of raisins to the four corners of my bedroom. Couldn't be her bedroom, no, it had to be mine! After finally cleaning the kitchen and my bedroom, I decided it was bathtime. Just as I had gotten MM undressed, BJ started to cry. It took about 15 minutes to calm him down and I went back to the bathroom. I know, I left her alone too long (no she was not in the bath tub, she likes showers) so what is a toddler to do while in the bathroom? Well, when I opened the door, she was sitting on the toilet, lid down. She looked at me, smiled and said, "I put toilet paper in the toilet! Can I have lemen-ems?" I looked at the previously full roll of paper and knew that my toilet was filled with an entire, brand new roll of toilet paper. It took me 1/2 an hour to unclog it.
To add to the fun, BJ has decided to start confusing his days and nights. He is sleeping during the day and keeping me up 1/2 the night. Sunday night he woke up at 3 am and did not go back to sleep until 5:30 am. Last night, he refused to go to sleep until 11:30, and then woke up at 1:30 and 3:30 and then stayed up at 6. To say that I am sleepless in Lancaster is an understatement!
On Sunday, MM was in rare form (or maybe not so rare anymore) and I got nothing accomplished. Andy was out, having found some work, so I had the joy of both children who thought it was an hour earlier than it was. MM decided to dump the Mylicon drops (of course it was the last bottle) all over the carpet. I did not realize she had done this until I stepped into the wet spot on the rug and found her hiding behind a chair with the empty bottle behind her back. I knew that Andy had left it where she could get it, so I only fussed at her and told her that she was not to take her brother's medicine again. I then texted Andy and told him he needed to keep all meds on the mantle where she can not reach them. After dinner, while trying to clean up, I noticed that MM was not downstairs any longer; not good. I went upstairs and found her in my room, sitting in the floor, surrounded by hundreds of raisins. She had gotten the brand new large container of raisins, gone upstairs and twirled around and around so she could evenly spread the entire container of raisins to the four corners of my bedroom. Couldn't be her bedroom, no, it had to be mine! After finally cleaning the kitchen and my bedroom, I decided it was bathtime. Just as I had gotten MM undressed, BJ started to cry. It took about 15 minutes to calm him down and I went back to the bathroom. I know, I left her alone too long (no she was not in the bath tub, she likes showers) so what is a toddler to do while in the bathroom? Well, when I opened the door, she was sitting on the toilet, lid down. She looked at me, smiled and said, "I put toilet paper in the toilet! Can I have lemen-ems?" I looked at the previously full roll of paper and knew that my toilet was filled with an entire, brand new roll of toilet paper. It took me 1/2 an hour to unclog it.
To add to the fun, BJ has decided to start confusing his days and nights. He is sleeping during the day and keeping me up 1/2 the night. Sunday night he woke up at 3 am and did not go back to sleep until 5:30 am. Last night, he refused to go to sleep until 11:30, and then woke up at 1:30 and 3:30 and then stayed up at 6. To say that I am sleepless in Lancaster is an understatement!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
My very busy week
Wow, this past week was insanely busy. I did not have a chance to post. Lots to tell, so hang on, this will be a long one!
First, let me address work. Once a month we have Professional Development meetings. To get enough time, we have early dismissals on the second Wednesday. On those days, I must teach my entire classload before I get a break. I normally teach periods 1-4, then have lunch and planning, and then finish the day with periods 7 and 8. On these Wednesdays, I have to teach all my classes and then get lunch and planning. After we get all our students out the door, we have three hours of meetings. This time it was actually a good use of our time, they actually gave us information that I could use right away. Much nicer than what I usually get, lots of ideas and no time to implement them. In addition to Wednesday's busy schedule, we had parent conferences on Thursday night. We got to teach the whole day and then stay until 6:30 that night to meet with parents. I ended up staying until 8:30 that night because I had so much to do and Andy already knew I would be coming home later. Once I got home, I had to still pump and correct more papers. By the time I got to bed, I had been awake for 20 hours; which leads me to my second subject.
BJ has been randomly sleeping well, waking up fussing and/or wanting to coo at me at 3 am. First the good news, he slept through the night on Thursday night (thank you God!) and I experienced as close to a good night sleep as I have had since October. I guess that was make up for the previous night in which he woke up a 3 am and would not go back to sleep (which is why Thursday was 20 hours long). On Friday, he decided to cry from 4:30 until 8, then sleep for four hours, wake up at 1 am and then get up to stay at 5 am. It is like he is a drug dealer and sleep is his drug. He gives me only just enough so that I feel good, lulls me into thinking I will get more and then takes it away!
MM is continuing to be creative. I continue to struggle with her using the potty, especially using the potty to go poo-poo. She has decided that if I do not want her to poo-poo in her diaper then she will poo-poo in her play room; I have decided her diaper is okay for now. She has made progress on her drawing skills, I just wish it wasn't my walls she is practicing on. Andy says that he does not sleep while he is watching the children, but the amount of art work I come home to tells me he is taking naps and not realizing it. I will say that Andy is ready to get back to work and I think MM is ready to return to full time daycare. He does not have the patience to put up with such a clever and energetic two year old. Case in point, last night she was given a treat: a small amount of soda with an ice cube (believe it or not, the ice cube was more the treat). After finishing the small amount that I gave her, she requested more. I told her that she needed to eat more of her dinner before she got more. Andy chimed in with his normal gruff "Get to eating!" (he is such a farm boy); MM looked at him and replied "Mommy already told me that," and started to eat more from her plate. I am in so much trouble when she is a teenager!
First, let me address work. Once a month we have Professional Development meetings. To get enough time, we have early dismissals on the second Wednesday. On those days, I must teach my entire classload before I get a break. I normally teach periods 1-4, then have lunch and planning, and then finish the day with periods 7 and 8. On these Wednesdays, I have to teach all my classes and then get lunch and planning. After we get all our students out the door, we have three hours of meetings. This time it was actually a good use of our time, they actually gave us information that I could use right away. Much nicer than what I usually get, lots of ideas and no time to implement them. In addition to Wednesday's busy schedule, we had parent conferences on Thursday night. We got to teach the whole day and then stay until 6:30 that night to meet with parents. I ended up staying until 8:30 that night because I had so much to do and Andy already knew I would be coming home later. Once I got home, I had to still pump and correct more papers. By the time I got to bed, I had been awake for 20 hours; which leads me to my second subject.
BJ has been randomly sleeping well, waking up fussing and/or wanting to coo at me at 3 am. First the good news, he slept through the night on Thursday night (thank you God!) and I experienced as close to a good night sleep as I have had since October. I guess that was make up for the previous night in which he woke up a 3 am and would not go back to sleep (which is why Thursday was 20 hours long). On Friday, he decided to cry from 4:30 until 8, then sleep for four hours, wake up at 1 am and then get up to stay at 5 am. It is like he is a drug dealer and sleep is his drug. He gives me only just enough so that I feel good, lulls me into thinking I will get more and then takes it away!
MM is continuing to be creative. I continue to struggle with her using the potty, especially using the potty to go poo-poo. She has decided that if I do not want her to poo-poo in her diaper then she will poo-poo in her play room; I have decided her diaper is okay for now. She has made progress on her drawing skills, I just wish it wasn't my walls she is practicing on. Andy says that he does not sleep while he is watching the children, but the amount of art work I come home to tells me he is taking naps and not realizing it. I will say that Andy is ready to get back to work and I think MM is ready to return to full time daycare. He does not have the patience to put up with such a clever and energetic two year old. Case in point, last night she was given a treat: a small amount of soda with an ice cube (believe it or not, the ice cube was more the treat). After finishing the small amount that I gave her, she requested more. I told her that she needed to eat more of her dinner before she got more. Andy chimed in with his normal gruff "Get to eating!" (he is such a farm boy); MM looked at him and replied "Mommy already told me that," and started to eat more from her plate. I am in so much trouble when she is a teenager!
Friday, March 5, 2010
More MM-isms
Now that MM is nearly three years old, it is amazing what kinds of observations she makes. Some of them are funny when I first hear them; while others are only funny when I look back at them.
1. On the way to school the other day, she saw a house that still had red ribbons on the porch bannister. She said, "Look mommy, that house has hair ties!"
2. MM is working on appropriate responses to coughing and sneezing. She has also learned that if she coughs I offer water, and if she sneezes, I give her a tissue. So, when it is bedtime, she will fake cough so that she can have a drink. She will then fake sneeze and say, " I knee-ezed, I need a tissue." She will also use the fake sneeze to get my attention away from BJ.
3. I had cameo earrings in my ears the other day. When I was putting her into her carseat she observed, "Mommy you have pictures in your ears!"
4. Her father broke the baby swing yesterday manually swinging it too hard. I made the comment that Daddy broke the swing to MM and she responded, "Daddy's in trouble, you need to spank him and put him in time out."
5. I am after my husband about his language all the time, and I told him he had a potty mouth the other day. We were in the doctor's office on Wednesday and Andy let out with a curse word. MM said, "Daddy you need to go to the potty. You have potty mouth!"
6. Again with the cursing. Andy apparently told MM to "get her ass up the stairs" at some point because MM told me to "get you up the stairs you ass" the other night.
7. This morning, MM ran down the stairs to watch her show but then realized that she needed to go potty. However, she stood beside the potty, peed in her pull-up, took it off and sat on the potty. She then informed me that she need to have "lemon-ems" (M&Ms) because she was on the potty.
8. And my favorite right now is her obsession with the paint stirring stick she likes to play with. Andy wrote her name on it so it was hers. She can not say the word stick though. She walks around waving it in the air and says that it is her d**k, "see there's my name!"
So, when she really gets potty mouth as a teenager, I will know where the foundations lay. I wonder how long it will take to undo her special language development when she goes back to full time daycare in April?
1. On the way to school the other day, she saw a house that still had red ribbons on the porch bannister. She said, "Look mommy, that house has hair ties!"
2. MM is working on appropriate responses to coughing and sneezing. She has also learned that if she coughs I offer water, and if she sneezes, I give her a tissue. So, when it is bedtime, she will fake cough so that she can have a drink. She will then fake sneeze and say, " I knee-ezed, I need a tissue." She will also use the fake sneeze to get my attention away from BJ.
3. I had cameo earrings in my ears the other day. When I was putting her into her carseat she observed, "Mommy you have pictures in your ears!"
4. Her father broke the baby swing yesterday manually swinging it too hard. I made the comment that Daddy broke the swing to MM and she responded, "Daddy's in trouble, you need to spank him and put him in time out."
5. I am after my husband about his language all the time, and I told him he had a potty mouth the other day. We were in the doctor's office on Wednesday and Andy let out with a curse word. MM said, "Daddy you need to go to the potty. You have potty mouth!"
6. Again with the cursing. Andy apparently told MM to "get her ass up the stairs" at some point because MM told me to "get you up the stairs you ass" the other night.
7. This morning, MM ran down the stairs to watch her show but then realized that she needed to go potty. However, she stood beside the potty, peed in her pull-up, took it off and sat on the potty. She then informed me that she need to have "lemon-ems" (M&Ms) because she was on the potty.
8. And my favorite right now is her obsession with the paint stirring stick she likes to play with. Andy wrote her name on it so it was hers. She can not say the word stick though. She walks around waving it in the air and says that it is her d**k, "see there's my name!"
So, when she really gets potty mouth as a teenager, I will know where the foundations lay. I wonder how long it will take to undo her special language development when she goes back to full time daycare in April?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Embracing her inner demon
My daughter is in full terrible-two mode. This past weekend is the perfect example. First, a little background. In a never ending struggle to completely potty train MM, I have been putting her in big girl panties. She is all for them until she must interupt her play time to go to the potty, then she is all about putting back on pull-ups. At daycare, she has not had an accident for months; she is dry the whole time. However, at home, she wants the diaper. Things took a turn for the worst this weekend.
On Saturday, MM had an overnight dry pull up. She pee-peed in her potty, got a sticker, and some M&Ms after breakfast (hey, I'm desperate!). I put on her big girl panties, made a big deal out of how special they were and how she was such a big girl! We went pee-pee in the potty again, got a sticker, and some more M&Ms. Things were going well until after dinner. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, MM was watching Nick, Jr. and BJ was in his swing. Suddenly, BJ starts screaming in agony. I rushed over and noticed MM hiding. I asked her what she did and she replied, "I spanked him." "Why?" "Because I did." Ok, I do not spank as a rule unless it is something truly amazing and then it is a swat on the butt so she knows that I am very serious about her never doing again (ie, throwing toys at her brother's head, stepping on her brother when he is on the floor doing tummy time...). I did not spank her, I told her to go to the time out chair which happens to be the same chair she poured liquid Zantac all over. Sooo, while I am dealing with a screaming 3 month old, MM goes to the time out chair, squats, pees and poops! That resulted in her being told to go into her play room (yeah, I know) and not to come out until I told her to.
On Sunday, I had the chance to go through some more boxes in my closet and finally found my jewelry box! I have been wearing the same earrings since August since I could not find the box my husband pack it in. What does this have to do with MM? She, of course, wandered upstairs while I was making lunch and got into it. I found her because she was being too quiet, took my jewelry away from her and told her to stay out of it. (I moved it up higher too). She began crying, went downstairs and told her father that I am "cursing" at her! She gets that word from me fussing at her father to stop cursing in front of her because she is going to have serious truck-driver, potty mouth. I fed her lunch and placed her on the potty, but she did not go. She waited until I walked upstairs to put away laundry, got onto another chair in my living room, squatted and peed! She is revenge peeing!
After that last one, I put her in her pull-up and she walked around saying she was a baby. MM asked for M&Ms, candy, chips and other snack foods, but I told her she was a baby and babies did not get those things. She then asked for milk, so I gave it to her in a baby bottle. We did this for about an hour and then she gave me a hug and said she was no longer a baby but a big girl. But the big girl is now trying to color in the squares on the wallpaper in my kitchen!
On Saturday, MM had an overnight dry pull up. She pee-peed in her potty, got a sticker, and some M&Ms after breakfast (hey, I'm desperate!). I put on her big girl panties, made a big deal out of how special they were and how she was such a big girl! We went pee-pee in the potty again, got a sticker, and some more M&Ms. Things were going well until after dinner. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, MM was watching Nick, Jr. and BJ was in his swing. Suddenly, BJ starts screaming in agony. I rushed over and noticed MM hiding. I asked her what she did and she replied, "I spanked him." "Why?" "Because I did." Ok, I do not spank as a rule unless it is something truly amazing and then it is a swat on the butt so she knows that I am very serious about her never doing again (ie, throwing toys at her brother's head, stepping on her brother when he is on the floor doing tummy time...). I did not spank her, I told her to go to the time out chair which happens to be the same chair she poured liquid Zantac all over. Sooo, while I am dealing with a screaming 3 month old, MM goes to the time out chair, squats, pees and poops! That resulted in her being told to go into her play room (yeah, I know) and not to come out until I told her to.
On Sunday, I had the chance to go through some more boxes in my closet and finally found my jewelry box! I have been wearing the same earrings since August since I could not find the box my husband pack it in. What does this have to do with MM? She, of course, wandered upstairs while I was making lunch and got into it. I found her because she was being too quiet, took my jewelry away from her and told her to stay out of it. (I moved it up higher too). She began crying, went downstairs and told her father that I am "cursing" at her! She gets that word from me fussing at her father to stop cursing in front of her because she is going to have serious truck-driver, potty mouth. I fed her lunch and placed her on the potty, but she did not go. She waited until I walked upstairs to put away laundry, got onto another chair in my living room, squatted and peed! She is revenge peeing!
After that last one, I put her in her pull-up and she walked around saying she was a baby. MM asked for M&Ms, candy, chips and other snack foods, but I told her she was a baby and babies did not get those things. She then asked for milk, so I gave it to her in a baby bottle. We did this for about an hour and then she gave me a hug and said she was no longer a baby but a big girl. But the big girl is now trying to color in the squares on the wallpaper in my kitchen!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Guilt trips and other MM-isms
Perhaps the greatest difficulty in being a working mom is the missing out on milestones. I work for two reasons: 1) I have to, and 2) because I would go insane staying home day-in and day-out. Don't get me wrong, I have a sister who is a stay-at-home mom, I don't know how she does it. I find it hard to be home that much. However, I do miss being home. Sounds crazy, but let me explain. I want to be home to see the milestones in BJ's life. I want to see him smile, roll over, crawl, etc...I want to be home with MM so that I can shape her into the respectful little girl I know she can be (instead of the terrible two she is becoming). When I am home, I need to do so many things that I can not enjoy being home with my children. When I am at work, taking care of others' children, all I can think about is how nice it would be to be home with my children. It is a self- imposed guilt trip, and, to some extent, a societal one as well. I recently read an article about moms in Germany. If you have children, you do not work outside of the home. If you do, you are a bad mom, leaving others to do your parenting. Although it is socially more acceptable to work outside the home here, we are still held to the same standard as German moms. We are "allowed" to work as long as we still do everything we would have done if we had not gone to work.
The other day, as I drove home from a particularly difficult work day, I called my mom to belly-ache about life in general. I got onto the subject of BJ and began crying. It was not fair that I had to go back to work so soon after giving birth, that I have cheated him of cuddle time, that maybe his digestive issues would go away faster if only I was there for him sooner. Additionally, MM, who has always been a good girl has discovered her inner demon and has become a child who must be watched carefully because she will get into trouble (especially around her brother). I wonder, if I had been able to stay home with them, would she be better behaved? Will I raise a daughter who is a bully? Will I raise a daughter who is so desperate for attention that she will do anything to get it? Will she feel loved enough? To add fuel to these feelings, last week on a day she did not have to go to daycare, as I was leaving, she said, "Mommy, don't go, stay here." Yes, I cried on my way to work. At home, my daughter loves me; at work, I am told to go F myself. It is really hard.
The other day, as I drove home from a particularly difficult work day, I called my mom to belly-ache about life in general. I got onto the subject of BJ and began crying. It was not fair that I had to go back to work so soon after giving birth, that I have cheated him of cuddle time, that maybe his digestive issues would go away faster if only I was there for him sooner. Additionally, MM, who has always been a good girl has discovered her inner demon and has become a child who must be watched carefully because she will get into trouble (especially around her brother). I wonder, if I had been able to stay home with them, would she be better behaved? Will I raise a daughter who is a bully? Will I raise a daughter who is so desperate for attention that she will do anything to get it? Will she feel loved enough? To add fuel to these feelings, last week on a day she did not have to go to daycare, as I was leaving, she said, "Mommy, don't go, stay here." Yes, I cried on my way to work. At home, my daughter loves me; at work, I am told to go F myself. It is really hard.
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