Doing things for yourself

 I am feeling selfish right now. Maybe selfish is not the right word. I am taking time to do things for myself that I have not had time to do for a while. Having children and a husband and... well you know, things just get in the way of taking time for oneself.

Last weekend my husband took the children to the mountains. His family have a cabin there and he feels better about life when he can get away from responsibilities for a while. The only thing was that he had to take the children because I had a conference I need to attend. His buddy Tom went too. Tom brought his grandsons along so that MM had children to play with. My mother-in-law went so she helped to take care of BJ. So I guess he did have down time away from responsibilities.

I took the time to sleep in when I could and I went to the movies. I saw Hereafter. I was good. I liked the chance to watch something that Andy would not watch and that will most likely be nominated for an Oscar. It really makes you think about life, death, and making sure that you live life. I had saved spare change to give me enough money to go. I guess that was me being selfish because I should have spent it on the family, but I did not. I did get a free bag of popcorn, so going to the movies was just the cost of the movie. Anyway, I slept in the next day and did not get much cleaning done in the house. Andy was a little irritated with me because I think he was expecting to come home to a clean house I did not do it.

I do have a wish though. I would love to be able to go to England. I miss it, I miss my friends, and I miss the feeling of non-stress that I have while there. Sitting in a cafe having tea or going to a pub to talk with friends is so wonderful. Here there is so many things that I need to do, but there I can see my priorities so much more clearly. Before reconnecting with my husband, I had begun the process to find employment in Scotland. I was at the second stage of the process when I went on my second first date with Andy and changed my mind. I would not change my decision, but sometimes I wish that I could see what life would have been like if I gone that direction, you know, like the movie Sliding Doors?

I went to school to grade papers this morning. Before I did anything I read a chapter in a book someone recommended The Perks of Being a Wallflower. So that means that again I was being a little selfish and irresponsible. Andy is giving me time to work on school work, but the quiet beckoned and I felt the need to read. I have not had the chance to read for a while. I will say that I used to read a book a week, but now do not have the time. Children and sleep absorb too much time.

I also put on soundtrack to Forrest Gump. I know, very retro, but it immediately reminded me of when I was in my twenties and had so few responsibilities and stress; yet I felt the pressures of the world upon my shoulders. Ha, that was nothing!

 I think I would love to have a few more days of blissful irresponsibility. Is once a week too much?