Thoughts on turning 40

I have been off line lately. I have been very busy with the children, teaching and just living. I have been so busy lately that most of this month zipped by and I did not realize how late in the month it really was. I find it hard to believe that the school year is winding down and that my daughter is four years old (MM turned four on the 14th!). Even more surprising is that I am about to turn 40. I am not sure how I feel about that. I remember how hard it was for my mom, and I can honestly say it does not bother me in that way, but I have mixed feelings about it being a milestone.

When I was younger, I thought that I would have more wisdom, be less prone to mistakes, and generally have a better handle on my life. How wrong I was. I still make the same stupid decisions that I did when I was younger and still make mistakes. Shouldn't there be an age limit for stupidity? I know that I have not become less klutzy, there really needs to be an age limit on that!

Some truths about myself as I reach this "milestone:"

1. I will never make the mother of the year. I really thought it would be great to make the mother of the month, but even that seems out of reach. The local newspaper runs a mom magazine/insert once a month and the women that make it as mother of the month are too chipper, so capable and so much not like me that I figure if I can not even get into the final 100 let alone the top 5!
2. I will never weigh what I weighed when I was in high school. I thought I was fat back then, so looking in the mirror now is a real horror. So I decided to not care that I will never reach that perfect number. Instead I have decided to make sure I never wear a size 20 or higher. That sounds more reasonable. So if I do get down to a size 12 (which is as low as I ever really was) I will be pleased but not too concerned. I was in a room a teachers yesterday who were obsessed with their weight. They were talking about how they are so careful about what they eat, they never touch this or that and must, must fit into a particular size or they would simply die. I thought to myself: "So, I can become so consumed by a number on a scale that I stop living or I can try to be the healthiest I can be and still live. I choose life."
3. I really wanted to go whale watching for my 40th. Bummer. No extra money anytime in the near future. Will have to put that off until I am 45 when BJ is no longer in daycare.
4. I still want to win the lottery, but still do not play. Have not figured out how to get the first part and the second part to agree with each other.
5. I am tired of all the stress that I have been feeling over my job. I love my students and what I do, I just do not like the working environment we are in right now and it will not be changing anytime soon because somehow PA thinks that cutting education funding will be a good, sound long term investment in its future. My heart aches when I think about all the vital programming my district is cutting because of the lack of money from the state.
6. I am looking forward to spending time with my children this summer, but really need to work a summer job so that I can afford daycare next year. The current quote is $313.40 a week. I have figured out that if I can work at summer school, I will make enough money to cover the first three months, but then need to figure out how to come up with the rest of the money.
7. I will never go through a mid-life crisis because I am so far behind, I will never die!