When I think back to my life before 9/11/01, I can not believe how many changes have occurred. Many of those changes are for the better; some not so much, but I feel that I needed to record this time for later reflection.
I have a friend in England who had seen her parents board a flight bound for the US on the 10th. Her parents, unbeknownst to her, had changed their plans at the last minute, and decided to visit my parents first, rather than New York City. They were planning on staying at a hotel next to the World Trade Center. They decided to visit Maryland first; a move that saved their lives. They got to spend a month in the US not doing any of their planned activities, but they got to experience the US being nicer than at any other time in recent history.
On that morning, I was getting ready to go to work. I had a different teaching position than I do now, and did not have to go to work until noon. My mom called me and told me to turn on the TV. I asked her which channel and she said that it did not matter. I sat on the phone while watching TV when the second plane hit and when the Pentagon was struck. I remember them saying that they thought it was a bomb, that they did not think it was a plane. I also remember going into school early to help as many of our students have relatives in New York. I had also worked a summer program in which we had done a field trip to New York and had gone to the World Trade Center three weeks before. Those students came up to me and asked if that is where we had been and what we would have done if we had been there when the attacks happened. I had told them that we would have been alright, but I am not sure that we would have been. All I can think about is that I would have been responsible for getting them safely out of New York under terrible conditions. Then I think "Thank God we did not have to go through that." But, with time passing, I cry thinking about all those innocent lives that were lost. It is a kind of survivor's guilt.
The days and weeks that followed were just a blur, but I remember thinking that it was wonderful that we had stopped being so materialistic and egocentric and started caring about others. It reminded me of the reaction small communities have to tragedy, but this was nationally. We were nationalistic without being obnoxious; we were proud to be American. How long did it last?
Since that time, I have become a tenured teacher to International students, ended a relationship that had only just begun a year before that time, been a mom to an exchange student, been diagnosed with Celiac, gotten married, had two babies, sold a house and bought another. Evidence that life does move on even when it is hard to believe it can.
Please do not think that I have been the nicest person that I could have been. I am guilty of mean and thoughtless comments. I am guilty of making snap judgements based on appearances alone. I am guilty of not treating others with respect and dignity at all times. I am guilty of yelling at my children in frustration instead of stopping to take a breathe or even counting to 10.
Maybe on this day of remembrance that is what I need to do- make a commitment to be a better person. Not just because it is close to the new year, but because Gandhi once said that we should be the change we want to see. Before being guilty of treating others poorly, before snapping at others when I am having a bad day, I need to remember those days following 9/11/01 in which we all tried a little harder to be a little nicer. Maybe we need to make it a daily commitment. How many of us try a diet, cheat and then throw the diet out over a small digression? Let us all try to make each day count, not just for ourselves, but for others.
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