A message to new moms

I got a chance to visit with a friend of mine today. She is a new mom, a very new mom. It turns out that the reason I had not been able to visit before now was because she was feeling very overwhelmed. During my short visit, I discovered that she was not feeling like she was being a natural mom. What I mean is that she thought she would be better at this new mom thing. She was not getting enough sleep and she was worried that she was not producing enough breast milk or getting the system down or... She shut out those who could help her because she thought she was the only mom to have had these types of struggles!

So this post is dedicated to all those new moms who think that there is something wrong with them if they needed as an epidural for delivery instead of "sucking it up" and working through the pain, for those who did not breastfeed easily (they have lactation specialists for a reason) and needed to work through a few weeks of tears to get it right, and for those who are so bone tired they fall asleep while rocking the baby. This is for you.

Let's be honest, things are different today. One hundred years ago, for the most part, women were home, taking care of the children. Today, women are expected to be part of the household income. Now, not only are we mothers, housekeepers, wives, but we are also income providers. We are expected to do everything our foremothers did, but now, we must also maintain a career! Is there any wonder we feel overwhelmed at times? In this economy, it is not unusual for mom to be the breadwinner of the home, with all the stresses of maintaining that career, plus all of the stresses of the home. Is it any wonder we feel guilty?

Media does not help. We see these amazing moms on TV, in magazines and on the internet, and we wonder why we can not be like them. There is a reason why they are newsworthy, because they are not the norm! If we were all like those supermoms, then they would not make the news. One of the important things to remember about the supermoms is that they have support. They are married to someone wealthy, they have a nanny, they have grandmoms living nearby, they have a super supportive spouse, they have older children who are helping, or they have a person who comes in to clean the house; what ever it is, most moms do not have that right combination of support to be a supermom. So give yourself a break.

Newborns, babies and toddlers take a lot of energy to care for. Period. With newborns, you are tired because the hormones are out of whack and because of the feeding schedule. If you are breastfeeding, it is very tiring; lactating takes energy, and getting up in the middle of the night, each night, wears you out. I know it is hard to get a husband to be involved in this (he does not lactate); but there is nothing wrong with him taking on a new duty to give you back some of that lost time. He can take the baby for a ride in the car so you can sleep, or take a shower, or any tiny little luxury so you can recharge. If you are a second-time mom, and you have a toddler too, the exhaustion gets worse. I wish I could say it gets better soon, but the truth is, you will not get a real break until they are toddlers, and then it is not really a break, it is just a deep breath.

It is also okay not to like your children sometimes. Think about it: do you like your husband, co-workers, parents- anyone- 100% of the time? No. It does not mean you do not love them, it just means, at that moment, you do not like them. If it goes on for a few days, now, that is something to worry about, but once and a while, it is okay to have that feeling. What you do about that feeling is what is important. But don't feel guilty that you had the feeling, because it will just make you more tired and more depressed. You are human; yes you are a mom, but you are human, with a full range of emotions. Having the emotion- and not acting upon it- is fine. There is not a supermom-fairy watching you, and listening to your thoughts, who is keeping a report card on you. So give yourself a break.

Being a mom is tough. Don't be tough on yourself. Ask for help. If you get overwhelmed, reach out for help. If you do not have the supportive spouse or grandparent nearby, ask your friends for a little help. Now, everyday is pushing it, but a true friend will lend a hand. Give back some of that time later to show your gratitude because he/she may need the break too. You may not have a TV show or a magazine article written about you, but you are not a failure. You are human, maybe superhuman because you are a mom, but still a human.

You will be okay.

What's for dinner: Chicken, Broccoli and Rice Casserole

I have finally figured out why I don't like cook books and why recipes bug me... being boxed into exact ingredients and measurements interferes with creativity. I also do not like to have to find exact ingredients that seem to be both expensive and hard to find. I like to make a recipe the way it is supposed to be made the first time but then I change it almost always after that. I also look at ingredients and think, "Hmmm, I bet I can make that with fewer ingredients or cheaper!" So, to that end, I looked at a casserole recipe and then made my version for my extended family last night and everyone loved it, so much that there was only one serving left! Even my niece who is not known for being very cooperative when it comes to anything new or with broccoli, finished her bowl!

So, to begin with, this is gluten free but other than flour to thicken it, it is made of items that are naturally gluten free, so it is not really more expensive as so many gluten free items seem to be. The second thing is, there are no measurements to really follow other than when I paid attention to a package amount. What I like about this is that you can make this as unhealthy or healthy as you want. I make it with chicken thighs, but you can make it with breasts if you like. I get my chicken from BJ's wholesale club and only pay $1.29 a pound for boneless, skinless chicken. I fed five adults, two pre-teens and two children with this recipe.

Chicken, Rice and Broccoli Casserole

6 chicken thighs, cut up into cubes
1 qt container of Swanson chicken broth
1 can of evaporated milk
1 16 oz bag of frozen broccoli crowns (defrosted)
4 cups of cooked rice (I use chicken broth instead of water)
6 Tbsp of GF flour
1/2 stick of butter
salt, pepper and Season All to taste
1 bottle of wine (I like Sutter Home's Moscato)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray a large frying pan with cooking spray and fry the cubes of chicken in the pan with Season All (I like this season so I shake a fair amount, but it is up to you). While the chicken is cooking, melt the butter in a large soup pot, add the flour to make the roue then pour in the chicken broth and can of milk. I add salt, pepper and Season All to this and stir it frequently. It should be thick, so add more flour if needed to thicken. Once it is thick, add the pre-cooked rice and mix well. Add the broccoli and mix well. At this point the chicken should be cooked so fold it in to the rice and broccoli mixture (do not drain because it adds flavor). Once everything is mixed well, pour in large casserole dish. Place in the pre-heated oven for 20 minutes. Makes a lot, so you will have left overs to eat the next day or freeze for later.

The wine was for my mom, exchange daughter (she was my exchange daughter in 2005 and is now married to a former student of mine and is living in the US full time!) and me to drink while making dinner!