Now that my pity party is over, I feel like I can move forward. Last week was a tough week for me. I did not interact with most people and I stayed home. I had a few friends reach out to me and offered a shoulder to cry on and I stayed home. I cried, I slept, and I stayed home.
Once I got over the initial feelings of hopelessness, I realized I could wallow in despair or I could learn from this process. Heck, I would be teaching myself some important lessons; or should I say reteaching myself. I have learned and forgotten many of these lessons. Maybe now I will retain them.
I am big on lists, it is how I organize my thoughts, so if you have read my other blog posts you know I almost always have a list. So here is my list of lessons I am relearning from this experience:
1. Value what you have
Immediately after my last blog, I read other blogs about those who have lost everything. I read news reports of families who lost all their children in accidents. I read about the complete destruction of everything they held valuable. Who am I to complain about my life? Well, I am me and it is okay for me to complain about it. Just because my life is not more horrible does not make it less bearable. I am having a hard time right now, it is hard to deal with, and I am struggling with my new reality. People losing everything made me realize what I have, what was important, and how all was not lost; however, I am struggling being thankful for my life right now. Losing everything will not change my struggle today because that is what my struggle is: trying not to lose everything. What reading those stories did do was give me perspective. I had not stopped to value what I have in my life. I was going through the motions of living the life I thought I should be living instead of living the life I needed to be living.
2. Appreciate your family
I did something that I have not done for a long time, I played Uno with my family. We played round after round, and it was the most fun we have had in a long time. It was hilarious listening to the comments made by my husband and children after I got them with a Draw 2 or a Skip. We lost track of time. It made me think about all the missed chances I have had to simply enjoy my family. Am I the best mom? No. Are my children perfect little angels? No. But we are family and we need to spend more time playing together and enjoying our time spent. I will never get this time back again, so if you come to my house and it is not clean, well, I got lost in in an Uno game instead.
3. appreciate your friends
I would love to be the kind of person who has loads of friends and enjoys going out to party, but that is not me. I have a few very close friends, a few good friends, a few friends, and the rest are people I am friendly with. The layers are important. I would never ask a friend something I would ask a good friend, and I would never ask a good friend what a very close friend would just share without asking. For those who have met me and think I am out-going, it is a front. I am friendly but guarded. I am not going to let you into my life easily. Those who are very close friends have been there through many trials and tribulations. Those who are good friends are those who may not have been in my life long enough to earn that trust. It is my protective layering that keeps me from burning out. I have a hard time telling others no; my close friends tell me to slow down. I appreciate my friendship layers because all my friends provide valuable filters to the obstacles in life. After posting on my blog, I found out which of my good friends are really very close friends. I am not going to punish others for not calling or texting, everyone has their own lives, but it is good to know that I have more closer friends than I thought.
4. Organize yourself
One of the most important lessons I can learn may be to be better organized. What does that have to do with spending less? Well, after going through the pantry, I discovered that I had more of a particular cereal than I thought and there was no need to buy more. By going through the deep freezer, the pantry and the refrigerator, I discovered that we could live off of the food I had already purchased for at least two months. Will it be the most varied diet ever? No, but it was important to know that my family will not starve, I don't have that worry on my mind. Additionally, due to a friend of mine with a son a little older than my own, I have enough hand-me-downs to last at least until next summer, maybe longer. I don't have to buy a thing for Ben to be ready for school. Mimi will need a few things, but she is finally into the size of clothing that another friend gave me. I went through my closet and discovered that I had been keeping stained, damaged, or just plain ugly clothing; it all went. Now I know what I need to maintain a professional appearance: two white blouses. When going through school supplies, I discovered I had almost all that I need for the upcoming school year, so I should be able to hit a few sales and not spend a fortune now getting ready.
5. Accept help
I don't know which lesson is the hardest to learn, this one or the next, but I do know is that I am horrible at it. I am Miss Independence, hear me roar! So reaching out to others to ask for help is humbling and hard to do. I swat away help that is offered, can you imagine me asking for it? Me? Well, I have asked for help. It was mostly setting up payment plans and such, but that is hard to do. I know some people have no problem, but I internalize this as a failure. I don't want to be a failure, I want to be a success, but what does that mean? If a millionaire misses out on a golden opportunity, does that mean she is a failure? No, she is already a millionaire, so she has already had success. I have been successful, this is just a hiccup in life.
6. Be kind to yourself
The hardest lesson of all. I spent a week beating myself up. I pouted over missing my high school class reunion (my 25th), my inability to see this coming on, my lack of planning, my poor organization skills, my laziness, etc... It didn't take away the pain; it only made me more depressed. What our internal dialogue does to us is far more detrimental than any bully. When we beat ourselves up, it does nothing to improve our situation, it merely acts a stumbling block. So I decided to think about what makes me happy, mentally got rid of those items that cost money (no trip to England!), and decided to do at least one thing a day that makes me happy. Yesterday it was make blueberry jam. Today it was sleep in. Tomorrow it will be something unplanned, maybe a hike with the children.
Now if you will excuse me, I have an Uno game to get back to...
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