Let's be honest, I am as far away from that of the magazine-mother as one can get, and my children are, well, products of their mother. When I got married and had children, I thought I would be a great mom- I have a degree in Psychology and Education for goodness sake! What has happened has not been perfect, it has been exactly imperfect. How do I know how badly I am doing? I am constantly reminded of my inadequacies on Facebook. I see the photos of my friends' children as they dance, somersault, climb, ski, read, travel, explore, wander, and just live a better life than I can give my children. I must admit I am super jealous. I have read about how well other children listen to their mothers and pick up their toys. As much as I wish it to be true, I am not going to be Mother of the Year. Each day I am just trying to be Mother of the Moment. I am terrible at it, but I am trying.
I often wonder if other moms are going through the same issues; however, we have been conditioned to be our own family PR managers. We don't want to portray a less than perfect appearance whether it is on Facebook, Pinterest, a blog, or another social medium. I recently realized that others do not share their day to day nonsense from their lives, while I am an open book. I do not mean to over share, but I want to know that I am not alone in this crazy dance called motherhood. Coming to this state at an older age means that those who I would have asked have forgotten since they had their children when they were "supposed" to, and those who have children at a similar age to mine are looking to me for guidance!
I have two friends who are absolutely wonderful at this motherhood thing (I have others who rock and roll all things motherhood too, but these two are superhuman!). One is a successful lawyer, mother of three, and a nationally recognized writer. She bakes homemade goodies for her children who are the envy of those around them. In addition to this she is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. My other friend is a commercial property manager, mother of two wonderful boys who both have medical conditions, runs a side business, and makes sure that her children have fantastic opportunities that she usually gets at deep discounts because she is a coupon queen. Did I mention that her sons' birthday parties are creative, interactive, and completely homemade? She too is simply wonderful to be around. I look at all they do and wonder how they can do so much and be sane and nice. I feel like a troll who lives under a bridge raising her children in the wild compared to these two, but at the same time I know they have experienced the ups and downs of imperfect motherhood.
I will never achieve their level of awesomeness, but I'm okay with that. They don't rub it in my face that their children are better than mine or that their children's medical conditions are worse than my child's medical condition or otherwise make me feel inferior. I don't feel as if they are secretly thinking less of me because my son has injured himself for the umpteenth time this week or that my daughter has sassed me to the point that I am considering renting her out to my Amish neighbors to remind her of her cushy life.No, they support me and give me great advice with no side order of judgment.
Do I wish I was a better mom? Sure I do, but I am owning my imperfections. Once I began letting go what I thought others were able to achieve, it allowed me to see my children for the blessings they are. Will I still post things on Facebook? Of course, there needs to be at least one mom out there keeping it real, but I will no longer worry that my children are missing out compared to others. They are perfectly imperfect children and they are mine.
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